ALERT: If the Brewers make the playoffs this year and the Yankees don’t, I will officially get “back into” baseball per our (mine and mlb’s) agreement. It might be fun to be following baseball again, even though it’s a totally boring sport that rewards fans for dozing off during games (in that the games go faster). So much of my childhood was spent on baseball — going to games, buying cards at flea markets, trying to find George Bjorkman, making up baseball-themed basement games so we could mock the players — and I can’t wait to do those things again on a much smaller scale. This is the second year in a row the Brewers have been in the pennant race, and they now lead those accursed Cardinals by 3.5 games in the wild card race with about 30 games to go. They just need to keep winning. I’ll believe they’re in the playoffs when I see them playing after the season ends.
The Yankees, on the other hand, are done. They’re behind so many teams in the AL, and all of those teams would have to collapse for the Yanks to have a shot. Only a miracle could save them now! I hate baseball for making me care about them. I hate baseball for not punishing them. I hate baseball.
That hate, however emotionally useful, is probably going to be let go at the end of this season. I never thought I’d see the day that my demands were met. I won’t even know what to do. Should I watch the playoffs? Collect bobble-heads? Cease calling the guy CC Fatbathia?
I don’t trust you, baseball, and probably never will. But if the next month goes well, maybe we can go out and get a soda and talk about reinstatement into my sports interest pantheon. You can start down in the mailroom with Field Hockey, and work your way up from there. I’m glad we had this little talk.
