Delurking to say: The problem is, I haven’t posted in so long that I have like 1000 things to say. Kids, don’t blog. It’s just a thankless hassle.
I’m just kidding. But here’s a bulleted list. I wish I could make this a mulleted list by giving the dots little mullets, but I just can’t.
- Since we last talked, I shaved all the hairs (more than you might think) from my head. I’m going with the shaved head look for a while, so you better get used to it. Thankfully, it doesn’t really affect you, my blog readers.
- The World Cup is here. I think I wrote the definitive piece on the World Cup and American’s reaction to it four years ago. Here’s a link to it. Yesterday, France played to a tie with Ecuador. I’m a big believer in the Monroe Doctrine as it pertains to soccer, and so I’m very happy that big bad France got tied by the swarthy Ecuadorians. That’s a good first day. Also, I always root for the African teams, except of course for South Africa. We will not forget, South Africa. We will not forget.
- ESPN has come out with something called “ESPN3.” We’re moving ever closer to “The Ocho” becoming a reality.
- Man, Milwaukee is Brewer-crazy. I had forgotten what it’s like to live in a real sports town. And the Brewers aren’t even good! I don’t care about the team at all*, and yet I know all about their players and their hopes and dreams and contracts and failures and Steakhouses. For example, did you know the Brewers have a guy named Corey Hart who’s a total hillbilly? Also, he’s stick-thin and has an absurd Amish beard. Also, he totally sucked last year but is currently leading the NL in home runs. These are some of the things I know, for no dang good reason.
- I’ve developed a lot of theories about God and Life and The Universe and Everything, but I’m not quite willing to share them. Perhaps if someone were to get me drunk, that would unloose my tongue. These theories have helped me a lot, actually, in my day-to-day life. I still hate talking to people, but I’m not as burdened about it now. And it’s not like my theories are some sort of secret, a la The Secret — they’re right there in the Bible, and other places. Perhaps I’ll just start a cult and have done with it. Can you have a cult with no followers? Isn’t a cult with no followers just a crazy person?
- With regard to camping/hiking, I have purchased: 1) A cool tent, 2) a Wal-Mart brand (technically “Ozark Trail) camping pad, 3) a tarp, 4) a point-and-shoot camera, 5) a sleeping bag. Now, if I could only purchase something that stops it from raining. Any evil geniuses out there with a weather machine I could borrow?
- I like coffee shops.
- The USA plays the England in soccer today in what some people are calling “The Dixie Chicks Revenge Game.” C’mon USA, think about how much Natalie Maines will hate it if you win!
- What the heck — Nebraska in the Big Ten? Colorado going to the Pac-10, which might soon be the “Pac-16?” The Big 12 becoming the “Big Five?” Nobody wants Rock Chalk Jayhawk anymore? Things like this are why the NCAA needs a commissioner who manages which teams are in which conference. They need me to be that commissioner, actually. I’ll set them straight. My first edict? Notre Dame is disbanded for being snooty.
- I’m not delivering pizzas right now, which is weird. My real job has become a real job, and that means real busy. You would not believe how busy I am all the time. That’s ok though, I like it. It gives me something to do during the day.
- Oh, and LOST ended. I don’t have time to deal with my feelings on that right now, I got too much to do.
That’s all I got. Sorry.
*obvs, that’s not completely true. But it’s baseball, and baseball doesn’t care about me, so why should I care about it? I’ve been less and less passionate about sports lately, because it all seems so silly. Also, the Yankees, the Lakers, and the Blue Devils keep winning championships, we might have to disband the whole sport world and start over. Thank God for the Saints, right? Literally.
