- Cue the ominous music, it’s the Zuckerberg!
I have Mark Zuckerberg to thank for lots in this world. He posts pictures of funny things on my wall. He comes up with funny and/or poignant status messages that interest and entertain me. He provides me with up-to-the-minute information and opinions on things that matter to me and my many, many acquaintances. And he does this for me and 500 Million other people across the globe. Because of this, and the fact that he is awesome, he has made billions of dollars and everyone cares what his opinion is on everything.
OH WAIT THAT’S RIGHT HE DID NOTHING BUT START A WEBSITE AND MANAGE TO BE SMARTER THAN MYSPACE (WHICH, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, WASN’T THAT HARD). HE DOES NOTHING ON A DAILY BASIS EXCEPT ACT SMUG AND LIVE OFF THE STATUS UPDATES AND MEMORIES OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE HE DOESN’T KNOW. HE IS A VIRTUAL ZERO IN THIS SOCIAL MEDIA WORLD, AND IF HE DIDN’T EXIST, SOMEONE ELSE WOULD HAVE MADE A FACEBOOK AND BECOME A BILLIONAIRE INSTEAD. HOPEFULLY SOMEONE LESS SMUG.
Forgive my all-caps newbie-style rant. It’s just that The Social Network is about Facebook, which I think is pretty cool. But actually, it’s about the guy who takes credit for creating Facebook, which is also a pretty cool story but kind of besides the point. Put it this way — every time Michael Jordan won a championship, did Dr. James Naismith get credit for creating basketball? Did the media go on and on about the greatness of Naismith and how Michael Jordan wouldn’t be possible without him? No? Then why, every time I post a brilliant status message, does Mark Zuckerberg feel like he deserves any credit? He’s a billionaire — isn’t that enough for him? What happened to the idea of the recluse? Did Howard Hughes and Michael Jackson kill take the luster off Reclusivity forever?
But then there’s the actual movie, which is entertaining. It tells the story of the beginnings of Facebook and the overprivileged white people who stole the idea from other overprivileged white people. The dialogue is snazzy, the story is intriguing, and the performances are great and often really funny. Go see it. I’m totally not interested in talking about it.
The Zuckerberg was reportedly kinda scared of how he would be portrayed in the movie. Should he have been? He comes off pretty well, as a really smart and friendless psychotic who wins in the end because he’s smarter than everyone else, but is still deeply sad.
Eduardo Whats-his-face (his original partner, who ended up suing him after being tricked out of his agreed-upon money) comes off pretty well, too. The actor who portrays Eduardo Whats-his-face channels Hayden Christiansen in Shattered Glass, and is all vulnerable and soft-spoken and skinny and high-voiced. It works for him — he ends up being the protagonist because he seems like the person the audience least wants to punch. So good for him.
And then there’s the Winklevoss twins, both portrayed by Armie Hammer with understated hilariousness. I loved every scene they and their little friend were in, even if their “you stole my idea” lawsuit seems a little silly in the context of their already multi-million-dollar Olympics-filled life.
Finally, you have Justin Timberlake as Sean Parker. Mr. Parker founded Napster, and if The Social Network is to be believed, he is responsible for two decisions that ended up contributing mightily to the ascent of Facebook over its pathetic social media rivals: he pushed the Zuckerberg to avoid advertisements on the site; and, he offhandedly suggested they drop “the” from “thefacebook.”
I’m telling you, if Facebook had embraced ads, it would have been another Myspace, and nobody would know the Zuckerberg from the Zuckerman*. He would have merely been another standard American internet millionaire — which, due to Bush-Obama inflation, now are worth 1 dime per dozen.
But still, Sean Parker did cocaine, and therefore ended up with only like 7% of Facebook’s billions. There’s a lesson there for all of us.
Tomatometer Rating: 96%
What it should have been: 96%
*If you don’t know the Zuckerman, clearly you need to brush up on your 90210. And not the newer version, either. That thing is death.
