My Life Has Changed.

Posted on May 7, 2010 by epthnation

Because everyone loves lists, I will now list the ways my life has changed over the past couple of months.  I apologize for being so absent, but you’ll understand after you read the list.

1) I got a job.  As someone once said, I now get up early like a birdie.  “A job” doesn’t really cover it, because I now technically have two (2) jobs.  This might not last forever (I’ve been torn on whether or not to quit delivering pizzas), but for now it’s lucrative and time-consuming.  This is ok.  The only way is ISN’T ok is this: I don’t have time to post blogs anymore.  I only have time right now because I have the day off.  I’m barely even twittering these days, it’s gotten so bad.  It just goes to show you that I’ll stop being social the moment I get an excuse to stop.

Fortunately, this also means I have benefits, something I haven’t had for a long, long time.  My bosses are all great Americans and I love them.  There’s also a chance they might be reading this.

2) I’ve been doing other writing.  That’s the other reason this blog lays silent as a turtle in a box made of sound-absorbent tile.  I just wrote an insane Anti-Oprah short story for the Online Apologetics Conference.  Writing takes a lot of time when you’re as scatterbrained as me.  Seriously, my brain is always melting in 20 different directions for no reason.  I’ll write something, then look back on it and wonder what kind of alien would have written that.  I may just have a split-personality, actually.

3) I’ve decided that life is pretty much meaningless.  “Vanity” and “Doesn’t matter” are also applicable terms.  Yes, I’m ok.  No, I’m not insane.  This is a good thing.  I said “pretty much,” not “completely.”

4) I attended a funeral in Northern Wisconsin and reacquainted myself with church potlucks.

5) I upgraded to Ubuntu 10.04, which is nice but a lot like 9.10.  Also, there were two really dumb things the developers did that hurt my first impression of the OS:  They got rid of the volume control in the panel (you have to re-enable it in order to see it) and  they put the minimize-maximize-close window buttons on the left side of the windows.  Seriously?  Even if you think have “big plans” for the right side, you should resist the urge to execute them.  I could hack GNOME to put them back on the correct side, but what’s the point?  They’d just end up on the left every time I change the theme or upgrade something.

Other than that, though, it’s fine.  Not revolutionary, but fine.

6)  Lala.com is closing, having been purchased and destroyed by Apple (or at least it’ll be gone on May 31).  Steve Jobs just bought them so he could take their engineers and technology and use it for evil.  But hey, I get credit in the iTunes store!  Whoopee!  This is like having a Tolltag account and Hitler buying the highway system, closing all the tollbooths, and giving you credit in his Nazi paraphernalia shop.  I stand behind this analogy.  It’s exactly like that.

7) The Milwaukee Bucks made us all Fear the Deer, then backed away like, well, a real live deer.  At least we now have a “The Pack is Back”-style slogan to use to beat people down.

Yeah, duty calls.  Story of my life.  See ya later.

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Netflix Diary: The King of Kong

Posted on April 24, 2010 by epthnation

There's nothing about this photo that isn't awesome

First of all, I don’t believe this movie accurately portrays much of anything outside of Steve Wiebe’s home life, which should probably be considered a problem for a documentary.  There’s probably a lot of truth in Steve and his family’s struggle with the culture of competitive old-school gaming, though.  As a one-man character study, it provides a little insight into an interesting time in the life of the Wiebe family.  As a total documentary, it gets a little sketchy…

And that’s what makes it great.

Billy Mitchell is an amazing cinematic creation.  Whether he’s real or not doesn’t really matter — every word that comes out of his overbearded mouth sounds like it came from a Hollywood script.  He’s a classic villain, a situation made even better by the fact that he seems to think that he’s the hero.  Everything about him is manufactured to almost Lady Gaga-esque levels — the long hair, the beard, the glamorous wife, the impeccable casual clothes, the rock-star status, the army of henchmen who seem to worship him, the svengali-like hold he seems to have on gaming authorities, his successful wing sauce business — but since it’s manufactured in the world of competitive video game playing, everything is a bit off.  His look is ridiculous enough to qualify as a potential halloween costume; his wife is a trophy, but not particularly pretty; his henchmen all seem unaware of any life outside of nerdy pursuits; his main achievements, the video game records, mean absolutely nothing to anyone outside the Gaming Inner Circle; and nobody has ever heard of his apparently regionally popular wing sauce.  To put it bluntly, he’s a zilch, and this makes his willingness to spout Donald Trump-y life lessons and platitudes endlessly hilarious.   What’s more funny is that he’s somehow acquired these henchmen, who think this larger-than-life gaming persona of Billy’s is something to be admired.

But like I said, I don’t know how much of Billy Mitchell, his henchmen, the video game judges, and the situations depicted in The King of Kong are real.  If any of it outside of Steve Wiebe weren’t staged, then the filmmaker stumbled into a truly amazing true story.  Either way, Mr. Wiebe’s quest against the evil scheming monolith that is Billy Mitchell has lots of exciting twists and turns and a cast of unforgettable characters.  And that’s all you can ask for in this era of The Hills and Survivor, isn’t it?

Four out of five overpriced popcorns, because while it felt a little fake, I’ll never forget Billy Mitchell and his well-conditioned hair.

P.S. — Don’t think I didn’t notice that one of Billy’s blonde-haired henchmen was named Steve Sanders.  Man, there’s so much great stuff in this movie.  I didn’t even mention Mitchell’s old “nemesis,” a man who recorded (what seemed to be) self-help dating videos as “Mr. Awesome.”  The big dispute they had was  over Mr. Awesome’s record score on the crappy 80′s game “Missile Command,” of all things.  You can’t make this stuff up — or can you?

Edited to provide this link from the Onion’s awesome AV Club, wherein Billy Mitchell calls them to set the record straight.  Then the AV Club followed up with the filmmakers about Mitchell’s accusations.  This movie/story keeps getting more awesome.

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Netflix Diary: Drag Me To Heckbuckets

Posted on April 20, 2010 by epthnation
This was taken right before evil punches her in the face

About to be hit in the face by evil

Ok, so Sam Raimi made another horror movie — finally!  He’s the only Leprechaun out there who can turn standard horror B.S. into a magically hillarious gore-tacular.  We remember the deliciously over-the-top Evil Dead, and its evil rubber chicken of a sequel/remake, Evil Dead II.  Then there’s Army of Darkness, which streamlined the mayhem and made it larger.  So Drag Me to Hell has a heck of a lot to live up to, is what I’m saying.  Does it?  Well…yeah, I suppose, if you’re into that sort of thing.

What sort of thing is that?  Well, how about a toothless old gypsy gumming up poor Alison Lohman’s face, not once but twice?  How about multiple scenes of people being hit with unseen punches and everyday household objects?  How about people being, as the title suggests, dragged to hell?  How about evil forces screwing with people in ways that can only be described as hilarious and super-disgusting?

Why does Sam Raimi waste his time with things like directing Spider-Man or producing Xena: Warrior Princess when he has the power to do something this unique and cool whenever he wants?  Sure, Spider-Man II remains the greatest superhero movie of all time, and Xena had quite the following, but what about this scene from Evil Dead II:

And there are 20 scenes in ED II that are just as good.  Now, nothing in Drag Me to Hell is quite that inspired, but it’s still a good effort from the only man in the world capable of such lunacy.  3.5 out of 5 overpriced popcorns, but that’s only because parts of it were a little boring.  Specifically, most of the parts with the guy from the Apple ads.

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Movies Ahoy: Kick-buttocks

Posted on April 18, 2010 by epthnation

I know that’s not the movie’s name, but my mom reads this.  Hi, mom.

"His name should be A** Kicked"

"His name should be A** Kicked"

Well, that was interesting.  I’m one of the people who saw this movie on its opening weekend, which is weird because I a) never see things on their opening weekend, and b) wasn’t that excited to begin with.  But weirdness aside, the best way I can describe “Kick Buttocks” is this: It’s not a total waste of two hours.

The main problem with the movie is it can’t decide what it is.  Is it a violent satire of Spider-Man?  A violent Kung-Fu movie with teenage superheros?  A violent black comedy with an indie comic sensibility?

So we can see that whatever this movie can be said to be, we know it is violent with a capital V.

“Kick-Buttocks” suffers from what I’ll call “indie comic hyperstylization complex,” which means that while an 11-year-old girl in a mask taking out scores of drug dealers with a variety of cool weapons might look good in a comic book, it’s really disturbing when played out in a live-action movie.  I’m not saying it wasn’t really cool, mind you, but any emotional resonance the story might have had went out the window when legs started being chopped off.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.  Kick-Buttocks is about a normal kid who decides that he’s going to try to be a superhero even though he has no powers.  It starts out with a positive message about doing something about all the crime up in here, but turns into something different when this non-hero gets put in the hospital, comes back to “crimefighting,” names himself “Kick Buttocks,” becomes a Youtube superstar, meets a real Batman-esque vigilante (played by Nicolas Cage) and his deadly 11-year-old daughter, runs afoul of the mob, and tangles with McLovin’.  Yes, that McLovin.

Some parts of it work.  The whole Nic Cage and daughter thing is great, and every time they show up the movie gets appreciably better.  The mob scenes, when played for laughs, are pretty good.  But it all ends up being fluff, and the central message of “one normal guy can make a difference” quickly degenerates into “one normal guy in a costume can get chicks he never could have gotten otherwise.” When McLovin dons a costume he’s supposed to be funny; we know this because it’s McLovin, and he’s dressed like a gay japanese pop idol.  But he’s decidedly not funny, and he ends up being the crux of all the dark and violent places the movie eventually goes.  This may have worked in the comic book, but in a live-action movie, it’s just annoying.

The kid who plays Kick-Buttocks himself was fine, but he needed to be awesome.  He has two friends in the movie that are kinda funny, but they needed to steal scenes.  The only two characters that lived up to their roles were Big Daddy and Hit Girl.  Maybe the film should have been about them instead.

2 1/2 out of 5 overpriced popcorns, because while a little girl taking out 50 mobsters is undeniably kick-buttocks, abruptly introduced teenage sex in an alley definitely isn’t.

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Fun Conversations

Posted on April 15, 2010 by epthnation

From my dreams this morning:

(I’m in some sort of employee review situation)

Generic blonde woman: Now let’s talk about clothing.

Me:  Ok.

GBW:  Would you say you’re a good dresser?

Me: Um…I don’t know…

GBW: (shaking her head) No, you are not a good dresser.

In the hallway, just now:

Engineer: And I’m telling you that it depends on the size and complexity of the (data set).  Getting the data from it could take 5 minutes, or it could take 16 hours.  If Armstrong were here he’d be going ballistic.

Boss: It could take that long, but it shouldn’t.

Engineer:  Oh, right.  (dismissively walks away).

—————————————————

My day started out well with 5 blades, but quickly took a turn as I spilled coffee all over my tax return and blackberry.  I blame the generic blonde lady.

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A Real Resolution

Posted on April 14, 2010 by epthnation

WHEREAS, It has been well-established that watching movies makes me healthy, happy, and empathetic toward other humans, which makes me a better person and follower of Jesus;

and WHEREAS, I have set as my goal the quite daunting 500 as the number of movies I need to watch to be a self-actualized human being;

and EVEN THOUGH that 500 number is completely arbitrary;

and WHEREAS, I don’t care;

and WHEREAS, I have a heretofore unnecessary subscription to Netflix that I barely use;

and WHEREAS, I have the skill to make a spreadsheet;

then be it RESOLVED, God willing, that I come up with a schedule of five (5) movies a week until I either: a) go crazy, b) pass away, or c) fail to watch five movies.

Wish me luck.  That is all.

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Netflix Diary: The Fall

Posted on April 11, 2010 by epthnation

WARNING:  This Netflix Diary contains spoilers that will spoil you like sour cream that’s been sitting in the sun.  Only read if you don’t care about this.

The Fall is so unique and crazy that it defies normal movie reviews.  Director Tarsem Singh has created a visual and emotional feast whose effectiveness depends entirely on one’s answer to two questions:  1) Do you like huge, spectacular natural sets and over-the-top visual artistry? and, 2) Does the relationship between the main characters — a suicidal stuntman and a 5-year-old girl — resonate with you emotionally?  In my case, the answer to both questions is a resounding “yes,” but then again, I like weird stuff.

Some people have compared The Fall to The Princess Bride, but the only thing the two movies share is a framing device.  In Bride, we don’t care about Peter Falk or that stupid kid; we just want to find out if the Dred Pirate Roberts gets the girl.  In The Fall, the story is imaginative, but clearly being made up on the spot by the stuntman and imagined onscreen by both him and the little girl.  It looks super-cool (and without it, this movie would admittedly be a depressing 45-minute dirge that would have no reason to exist), but as Homer Simpson would say, “There is no moral.  It’s just a bunch of stuff that happened.”  This is probably what makes The Fall so divisive.  People want the fantasy story part of it to have the amazing ending that’s promised by its epic scale, and the film turns out to be just about a suicidal guy telling a story to a girl so she’ll bring him pills.  Although it eeks out some good feelings at the very end, the vast majority of both narratives is unrelentingly bleak.  So you can see why I like it.

Another potential point of divisiveness is the performance of the little girl, a foreign non-actor who mumbles and does all sorts of other things that broadcast the fact that she’s a real girl and not really acting.  I’m going to submit that this dose of reality helps the film a ton, because it turns it from a standard manufactured Hollywood drama into something unlike any other movie before it.  She’s such a real presence that she forces all the other actors to play “real” with her.  This makes the whole thing kind of charming — but also really strange.  And when the end comes and she figures out that he wants to kill himself and that the epic tale he’s spinning from his own life is going to end in tragedy, her tears and protests are too unskilled to feel trite.  I can see how someone who’s really happy would still find the story boring and lame, but don’t listen to them.  About anything.

P.S. — The woman who looks like a Bond girl that plays the nurse/princess has a really weird voice.  I have nothing besides that to say about her.  Also, one can tell this film was made by the same guy who made The Cell.  Tarsem really likes horned helmets and giant Martian-looking outdoor locations.

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Quote Bashing, Part I

Posted on April 10, 2010 by epthnation

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

-Nelson Mandella

This quote is fine, up to a point.  The idea that we shouldn’t let other people’s insecurities decide the way we act SOUNDS like a good idea, until you get to the question of applying it to real life.  And then you realize that Nelson Mandella just put his Very Respected Name underneath the personal philosophy of every ignorant loudmouth in the world.  It’s one thing to not shrink when you’re fighting apartheid; it’s quite another to bully some poor kid into giving you his lunch money.

Maybe sometimes it’s ok to love other people enough to become lesser so that they can become greater.  Unless your point is that people can only grow if they confront those insecurities, another point that SOUNDS good until you find yourself Dwight Schruted in the middle of nowhere and told to find your way back to camp so you can pass some insane initiation.  Again, this cannot be universally applied to any insecurity.  This is why it’s a bad quote.

I would further submit that you’re more here on this earth for others than you are for yourself, but that’s admittedly a crazy idea and easily dismissable on the grounds that it requires faith, which as we all know is not scientific and therefore just nutty.  Carry on enlightenedly browbeating weaker people with your hideous strength.

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Man, I’m busy

Posted on April 7, 2010 by epthnation

Yup, this is me.

It’s not only that I have a full-time job AND a part-time job now (the part-time job mostly to make up for the taxes I pay at the full-time job), it’s that on successive nights I have: 1) discovered gin and tonic; and 2) attended a Brewers game.  Both were great, but have left me so tired I don’t have time to even post here or read a 1000-word story for a writing contest I’m judging.  It’s time to cram activities into any blocks of time I can, I guess.  You know what else?  And this is a shocker…

I missed LOST last night.  And a Desmond episode, no less.  Ugh.

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What Are Dorks, Geeks, and Nerds?

Posted on March 27, 2010 by epthnation

Great White Snark has provided a helpful diagram…or have they?  See it here:

http://www.greatwhitesnark.com/2010/03/25/difference-between-nerd-dork-and-geek-explained-in-a-venn-diagram/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+greatwhitesnark%2Fyqzr+%28Great+White+Snark%29

Because that link is super-long, I’m going to be a bad internet citizen and hotlink the picture:

I’m going to geek out a bit here (or is it nerd out?) and tell you why I think this diagram is wrong.  I don’t really care about this issue, but somebody has to say what I’m about to say.

Nerds, geeks, and dorks are all synonyms for dweebs.  They mean the exact same thing.  To suggest otherwise is pretty dorky, don’t you think?  I like the three characteristics in the diagram, but the reality is simpler — and more complicated — than it suggests.

There are different types of nerds/dorks/geeks out there.  We’re all familiar with the common ones — computer geeks, science geeks, socially awkward outcasts, total weirdos, etc.  But those are not the only ways in which people can nerd out.  In fact, there are geeks for just about any interest in our world.  We just know them by different names, i.e.,  “enthusiast,” “passionate,” or “fan.”  The only thing you need to be considered a geek is a large enough amount of interest in something, and that something could be anything in the world.  Don’t think so?  Search for anything on the internet, and chances are you’ll find someone with a larger-than-advisable interest in that thing.  We are all dorks.

So the core component of nerdiness is obsession, and the “intelligence” and “socially awkward” parts come from developmental stages of life (usually middle- and high-school), where certain types of nerds tend to be a) Really into being smart, and b) Really having no clue as to how to properly relate to peers unlike themselves.  When you become an adult, these characteristics tend to get smoothed out, just as non-nerds get interested in interesting things and geek out in their own way.  Remember when you got to college and 80% of people were on roughly the same social status?  Yeah, that’s because people grow up and adopt more nuanced social constructs.

It’s at this point that most people start self-identifying themselves as nerds about something, in order to find others who are nerdy about that particular thing.  The only people who don’t do this are people who are trying too hard to be cool.  Have nothing to do with them.

To be fair, the diagram really isn’t about any type of nerd, it’s about the specific type that everyone remembers from high school — male, white, unhygenic, generally nice, interested in technology and math, athletically anti-gifted, unpopular, Red Dwarf-watching, living in a strange culture that only they understand –  and it still fails, because like I said, these terms all mean the same thing.  Nerds, dorks, and geeks are all obsessed, intelligent, and socially awkward.  This is why Chuck can call its IT repair team the Nerd Herd and everyone associates them with Best Buy’s Geek Squad.  This Venn diagram should just be a single circle with a bunch of words inside it.

Man, I’m a dork.

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